The Pre-Marital Sex post has been one of our most popular (I won’t say why). Kick back, relax, and read our 2nd guest post on this topic by Hustle&FWO from ForWomenOnline.com .
Pre-Marital Sex: Membership Has Its Benefits!
Written by: Hustle&FWO
The other day I overheard two older women discussing their shock and disappointment about an unmarried (adult) woman who’d recently found out she was pregnant. Granted, the pregnant woman and her babydaddy were planning to be wed in a week, so in this case, there wasn’t an issue of a fatherless child or a single mother struggling to raise a child on her own that bothered the women. No… what appalled these two women most was that a young woman with so much promise (i.e., “religious, good, and educated”) would “do such a thing”… That is– dare to have sex before she was married!
REALLY??!!
I have to say that as shocked as these two women were at the issue of pre-marital sex, I have to admit that I find myself equally in shock when I hear of single women (and men) who have not had pre-marital sex in this day and age! Now, don’t get me wrong– I’m not advocating unsafe sex, random sex, pressured sex, teen sex, or abusive sex… nor am I suggesting you have sex with every Tom, Dick and Hakeem you cross paths with— but I do believe that as a responsible adult, there’s a benefit to having sex with someone you’re dating if you enjoy that person and feel comfortable enough to share your body with them.
People have lots of different reasons for engaging in pre-marital sex- some good and some bad. Some people have sex with someone because they’re “in love” or because it somehow “just feels right.” Others may have more primal reasons and have sex simply because they’re horny, lol. But I also think there’s another VERY important reason for having pre-marital sex: TO SEE IF THE GUY IS ANY GOOD IN BED!
Yup, I said it! As a single gal, one of my worst nightmares would be “holding out” ‘til marriage, only to find out that the guy I pledged my love and fidelity to for a lifetime was horrible in bed, had no sexual skills, didn’t know any good moves or tricks, wasn’t sexually adventurous, and worst of all– wasn’t endowed well (i.e., BIG) enough! That may sound crass, but come on! A woman has a right to have a sexual partner who she is comfortable with and who satisfies her sexually— and if she doesn’t find that in her partner, she has the right to either move on or identify for her partner what he needs to do to please her! Can you just imagine the poor women who hold out ‘til marriage and then slowly come to the realization that their guys don’t have a clue about how to please them? Or a gal’s devastation at finding out that her guy couldn’t please her even if he really tried because his equipment doesn’t work or is too small to really give her any pleasure?! (And for the record, YES, size DOES matter!!)
Pre-marital sex (when done safely and responsibly) can help a woman learn about her body, her likes, her dislikes, her preferences, what turns her on and what turns her off. A woman who has never experienced sex with anyone other than her husband can only imagine what good sex must be like based on what she’s heard, read, been told by her friends OR based on what her husband tells her is the norm. And frankly, how would her husband know what the norm for a woman is or what feels good to her anyway?!
Part of keeping a marriage going strong is a healthy sexual connection, and experiencing a fun and fulfilling (and safe) sex life before marriage can help a woman understand not only how to please herself, but also how to please her man when the time comes for her to say “I do.” I’m sure most fellas are pretty happy when they discover their girlfriends or wives have a few “tricks” of their own that they can whip out to keep things hot and steamy in the bedroom. If a woman lacks sexual experience, how can she really ever know what to do in bed (or how to do it) to keep her guy pleased when she finally does start having sex?
Statistics show that in today’s society, by the age of 20, 75% of all Americans have had pre-marital sex. By the age of 44, that number jumps to 95%. In my opinion, that remaining 5% is up short. I don’t knock those who have strong religious or cultural beliefs that prevent them from giving into temptation- I think that’s wonderful too. But I do wonder about those who place such a strong TABOO on premarital sex. After all, our bodies aren’t only made to create babies– but are also made to ENJOY sex. If that weren’t true, we wouldn’t have been blessed with the gift of orgasms, now would we?!
I once knew a woman in her late 40’s who did not believe in pre-marital sex and because of her religious beliefs, had no plans of ever having pre-marital sex if she never married. With no boyfriend or husband in sight, this woman had basically deprived herself during her prime sexual years of the wonderful experience of physically connecting with someone. I know of two other women in their late 20’s right now, whose culture and religion prevent them from even holding hands, kissing, or going out to dinner with any man until the right match is “found” for them by matchmakers. To have never had sex is one thing, but to have never even dated or kissed a man at 28 is downright sad in my opinion.
When the time (hopefully) comes for these women to get married and experience sexuality for the first time, without anything to compare it to, how will they ever know if they are having GOOD sex? If sex for them turns out to be painful, too fast, too long, too short, uncomfortable, or simply not fun… how will they really know that sex could be any better? They will have nothing to go on but their husband’s assurance that he knows what he’s doing, and of course he’s gonna make himself out to be the hottest thing since Brad Pitt!
But then again… if you don’t have anything to compare your one-and-only lover to, then maybe it’s easier to convince yourself that like Muhammed Ali, your guy really “IS THE GREATEST!!!” Maybe it’s actually easier to be sexually satisfied if you aren’t always reminiscing about that “one special move” that your college boyfriend used to do, or that yummy trick that so-in-so used to do with his… well, you know. When your current guy isn’t bringing it in bed, if you don’t have that hot guy with the sexy six pack abs to think back on… then maybe in a sense you can be even MORE satisfied than those ladies who are missing something that they used to have – but can no longer get from their current lover.
Hmmm, could it be that in this case, ignorance IS bliss?
